A War on the Inside- Isabel's Inner Struggle
by TigerLeeLee
Summary: After "Surprise" Isabel runs away from her problems to the pod cave. Once there, she has a break down, and a surprise visitor....


Disclaimer: I do not own Roswell or "Isobel" (that's by Dido.) And yes, I did fudge on the spelling of Isabel, just because it differs from the show to the song.. I'm just writing this to get entertainment and to get away from my problems. I think this will be the first in many chapters- all connected by being song fics of the CD "No Angel" by Dido. Please review, I am brand new at this, and I want to know what people think. J

She sat in the dank silence listening to the soft drip of water on limestone. No light entered but for a soft green sheen filtering through the iridescent incubation pods, splitting into a thoughts shot of pure clear softness. Huddled in the corner, she sat, huddled, still in her gorgeous pink satin ball gown, seat beaded on her forehead, hair disheveled, with tendrils hanging moistly down, yet still beautiful: still Isabel. She sat sobbing softly, shoulders rising jerkily up and down, gasping for air. They'd never find her here- here she was safe.

* I thought it was funny when you missed the train

When I rang you at home, they said you'd left- yesterday *

How could this happen? She always so sure of herself and her identity: she was The Isabel, Queen of All. She laughed bitterly at the irony of this title. What a queen she had been. 

* I thought it was strange when your car was found *

And now- she hated to think of it- what a queen she was. What would she do without an identity? What would she do with * this * identity?

* By that tree in Ennis where we used to hang around-

Dear Isabel, I hope you're well, and what you've done is right *

She couldn't be, wouldn't be it- she was Isabel, NOT Vilandra- but she could hear Congresswoman Whitaker's voice echoing in her head, "You name was Vilandra, and you were beautiful. You had a great love, and for that love you betrayed your brother- and your raceand history, my dear, * always * repeats itself. She could still feel the cool brush of the Congresswoman's fingers across her cheek, somehow inflicting more pain than any slap or punch could.

"No. No." Isabel whimpered softly, "I wouldn't- I'm not"

Vilandrathe name echoed in her head, mockingly. Vilandra.. Vilandra. Vilandravilandravilandravilandra. "NO!" screamed Isabel, standing up, wild-eyed, "NO! I'm not her, dammit, I'm not.her." On these last words she crumpled back into a ball on the floor, angry tears streaming down her face.

* Oh, it's been such hell, I wish you well,

I hope your safe tonight *

"I'm not me." She said softly.

* It's been a long day, coming

How long will it's last day leaving

I'm helping it pass

By loving you more* 

"How could she do this?" she thought, pacing. How could she face them? It was as if she was inside a snow globe that was being shaken up and down- "except that it's not snowing" she thought wryly. She almost wished it would- the cool quiet would calm her. She gave a long sigh and sank to the floor, head in hands.

*And who you would become, 

With all the things you'd have done

Would he have loved you and not let you down? *

How could she commit such a crime? Betray Max, betray Michel- she'd never- she stopped herself. She had. "I'll NEVER betray them!" she promised her self. "Never!" she yelled defiantly into the cave. "They love me," she thought. "Michael would never let me down, and neither will I."

* And would he be stronger than his father? *

She had gone over to the Skins- in this other life- betrayed her love. And the Skins, somehow- directly or in directly- they killed his parents- her parents. And Max's parents. If she betrayed him, would he also be- "NO!" she yelled, again. She would NOT let herself think that. "She's not me. She's NOT me!" over and over again quietly, "She's not me." Whispered into the darkness.

* Don't punish yourself, leave it well alone *

She collapsed, head in her hands, shaking with fear, anger, sadness, and love.

* Dear Isabel, I hope you're well, 

and what you've done is right *

Slowly, her sobs subsided into self-hatred. "I MUST be Vilandra. But am I evil? Will I hurt everyone I care about?" An image of Michael in agony, Max dead on the ground made her collapse into a paroxysm of sobs. "Will I be alone? Oh, God, will I be completely alone?" Another sob shook her, her throat constricting at the thought.

* Oh, it's been such hell, I wish you well

I hope you're safe tonight *

In the dying desert light a jeep motored across the desert, briefly splitting the silence, and leaving it to close thickly behind. The parking break wrenched, and eight teenagers clattered out, running up a dusty and rock-strewn path. Dirt and mist hung in clouds in the air as they stopped at a solid rock face. The driver of the jeep held out his hand to open the concealed entrance to Isabel's cave, but another of the passengers put out a hand. The driver looked at him,

"Um, I think I should do this alone."

Without a word, the driver waved a hand over a ridge in the rock, revealing a handprint, silver, pulsing and glowing quietly. The rest of the group stepped back, and the second boy fitted his hand to the handprint and disappeared inside.

* It's been a long day coming.

How long will it last? *

His eyes took a moment to adjust to the dim glow, and then he could make out a huddled mass- Isabel, Ice Queen Isabel- sobbing on the floor, dress crumpled around her. "Hey Is," he said softly, sitting down cross-legged on the cave floor beside her. Without opening her eyes, she asked,

"Alex?" She looked at him, sniffled and shut her eyes. "Go away."

* Well, it's last day leaving *

"Comeere," he said softly, and opened his arms to her.

* I'm helping it pass

By loving you more*

Wordlessly, she fell in them, feeling his warmth wrap around her, giving her a sense of impending peace. He rubbed her back, face in her hair, as her sobs began to subside into a warm trickle. "Shhhhhhh" he said soothingly, "Shhhhhe." Isabel sighed and closed her eyes. It had been a long, horrible bithday but he was helping her. Not by flirting or shopping or kissing- just by loving her more.

End


End file.
